Holiday Gift Giving Guilt
Why does Christmas lose its meaning, no matter how hard we try and stay focus on the reason for the season, Jesus Christ? I think it stems from guilt. Holidays bring guilt, guilt brings debt, debt brings stress, then the whole season has lost its meaning. Let me explain.
There’s this illusion that everybody else is having a perfect holiday time, that everybody else looks loving and caring and kind and helpful, sitting around in their matching pajamas. In reality, we’re all kind of freaking out and overwhelmed. Most people are the calm ducks swimming in water with their feet frantically paddling under the water where no one can see. So if you are feeling financial stress over the holidays, chances are, so are the people around you.
There are all those subtle and no-so-subtle messages everywhere this time of the year to spend, spend and spend some more. Commercials that make you feel you have to buy it, Christmas displays going up in stores before Halloween has even passed, giving very little attention to Thanksgiving, where no gifts are usually required. Black Friday and Cyber Monday specials, Small Business Saturday and Amazon’s Prime Days. Stores are just pushing you to buy because they know you are wanting to buy and give. They stretch the season as long as possible to encourage people to buy as much as possible.
It’s not just gifts, it’s food and drinks, travel, cloths, and home décor. Most people spend more then they are comfortable with and are willing to go into debt over the holidays, especially for their kids.
The gift guilt can come from not spending enough to spending too much and maybe getting in debt over it. Most consumers reported having at least one holiday shopping money regret, ranging from not being able to spend enough on gifts to giving in to impulse shopping or overspending. It can make us feel guilty if we receive an unexpected gift and feel bad that we didn’t have a gift to give in return, or if someone gives us a more expensive present than we gave in return.
Just like setting boundaries works with family, friends, co-workers, relatives and others in your life, it also works with money. You have to stop trying to think that we can or should please everyone.
Per a Lending Tree Survey:
- Nearly half of holiday shoppers carry some sort of gift-giving guilt
- Millennials have the most gift-giving guilt,
- 70% of consumers have at least one holiday shopping money regret.
- 69% of respondents made at least one impulse purchase this holiday season.
- 17% of Americans regretted at least one of their Black Friday/Cyber Monday purchases.
- 23% of all shoppers surveyed made holiday purchases while drunk
- 28% of cardholders used a credit card with a 0% intro APR promotion for their holiday shopping purchases. Credit card companies are counting on people not paying it off in time, and most times that’s what happens.
- 61% of Americans Are Dreading the Holidays Due to Spending
How each generation’s spending habits vary
How much guilt you feel may depend on your generation. Millennials in particular are feeling the winter holiday strain, especially when it comes to spending. They topped each category, likely because they are now raising children and entering a time when they may buying a home, which can tighten their finances. On the flip side, financial stress surrounding holiday spending dipped significantly for Gen X — and even more so for baby boomers.
Things to do before the holidays are in full swing, where people tend to spend more the closer it gets.
1. Cut back in other spending categories
Unless you budget for the holidays year-round (which is a great idea), You may need to cut back on your normal spending in order to accommodate the holiday season.
In order to avoid overspending during the holidays, many reported taking the following actions:
- Giving up items for themselves
- Saving less
- Giving up a vacation
- Ignoring debt obligations
- Putting off home repairs
- Forgoing a major purchase
While cutting back on saving and ignoring debt obligations is never a good idea, some of these categories may inspire you to reduce your spending during the holiday season.
2. Set a holiday budget
It’s easy to get swept up in winter holiday spending, but now’s the time to set a budget and stick to it. Nearly three-quarters of Americans have some type of rule related to holiday spending:
- 26% reported spending specific amounts on each person
- 20% cut out spending entirely by having a “no present” rule with certain groups.
The desire to overspend is tempting, with people reporting spending more on those closest to them to show they care. But avoiding new debt over the holiday season is important. So take account of your regular income and spending, and figure out a reasonable amount of money you can accommodate for gifts, holiday travel and related spending.
Make a gift giving gift list and stick to it, put a dollar amount to each. Be reasonable in what you can afford, not what you think others think you should spend.
3. Be honest with loved ones
Wanting to spend money on gifts for loved ones because you care, in an ideal world, you would shower your family and friends with lavish gifts during the holiday season. But if you can’t keep up with holiday spending, it’s worth having honest conversations with them about your budget. Chances are, if you request to scale back, others will be happy to do the same. Consider setting a limit on how much you and your family can spend on gifts this year. Or request to not exchange gifts at all. Your time may be better spent with loved ones around the fire than shopping. Everyone will be happy to start the new year with a little extra money in their bank accounts.
4. Get creative with gifting
Try finding creative solutions for spending less. Secret Santa, making presents instead of buying them, or white elephant. A white elephant gift exchange is a very affordable gifting option. Instead of purchasing a gift for everyone in the group, each individual only purchases one gift which is then entered into a gift exchange amongst the larger group. Maybe agree that everyone takes something they have at home that they are done with and wrap it and make a game of it.
Chat with your family, friends or co-workers about fun ways to spend less, spending limits or potentially not giving gifts at all. For kid gifts, do you both have something your kids are done with, wrap up, and swap. A nicely handwritten card or homemade gift or food item or spending time with someone is a more meaningful gift.
A friend posted about giving the gift of time. They give time coupons, and they tailor it to suit the interests and preferences of the recipient. Whether it be a day out at a park, doing a craft, camping in the back yard. Offer to bring someone a dinner, have them over for lunch, or clean their windows, this strengthen bonds and makes memories that last longer than any gift you can give.
5. Shop holiday sales smartly
You’ve seen how hectic holiday sales can get and you’ve probably shopped them before. Shopping sales can save a lot of money, but that doesn’t mean you should go overboard. Don’t get lured in by flashy sales during the holiday season. Write a shopping list and stick to it. Whatever strategy you take, don’t buy something just because it seems like too good of a deal to resist. Doing research about how much things cost, whether they’re actually on sale, and whether things are too good to be true is another way to manage your spending,
How to cope with post-holiday shopping guilt
If you find yourself with some post-holiday shopping guilt, don’t let it drag you down. What happened has happened, and what’s important now is how you handle it. If you’ve taken on credit card debt or spent too much, helpful steps include:
- Make a debt-repayment budget that you can realistically commit to.
- Identify how much you can pay beyond the monthly minimum and how long it will take you to pay off the full amount.
- For those trying to rebuild savings after overspending, identify areas in your budget where you can cut back, at least temporarily, until your safety net has been built back up.
If you’re worried about both paying off debt and rebuilding your savings, a good first step is to focus on creating or maintaining an emergency fund so you can cover unexpected expenses without going deeper into debt. If you have an emergency and don’t have the money, now you have two emergencies. Once you have that built up, you can then focus on repaying debt in larger chunks before contributing more to savings.
If you’d like help staying organized, email me for a free Gift Giving Budgeting List and Holiday Card Tracker at Phyllis@perfectcents.services.
If you are in debt and not sure how you’ll get through the holidays, schedule a free consult and see if my services are right for you. Schedule here
Oh and Happy Thanksgiving!!!
*Lending Tree Survey